story of anderson cooper

a raft floated by your kitchen sink in a tree and anderson cooper's career was launched. your dog was launched and it wasn't lost on you that the man who is horse trading your grandmother has the last name brown. were you not in the stadium perpetually watching this game your instinct would tell you that there is something not right with that girl, and how can a suburban lawn fit so many cameras and still look so manicured. if you had two tongues one would march up those steps and give every water maven a lashing.  past-tense now, your neighbors are hooligans, somewhere there's change that you can use, clothes, butter, stick of cheese, breadcrumbs, scissors, etc. but this train's as slow as pleurisy. damn weeds grow wild here just like there, heartburn the same anywhere you go. you've watched the travel channel enough to know they eat weird shit in southern asia. a man's going to slip off into history along with his home depot cabinet and maybe as sure as anderson cooper's career, imaginary revenge is a waste of energy you couldn't muster if you tried. so said nietzsche, so said the patron saint of ironic mullets. and someone stole your shit, your excluded history included batteries not included you keep thinking, why do you keep thinking aliterally you think this particular evening with a stain on it.

Reading Instructions

While watching AC 360, remember that the etymology of “handsome” is as follows: in the 1400's, the English noble class would refer to their swords, and other often heavy and expensive items, as “handsome,” literally meaning “easy to hold.” By 1570 or so the word's use had slipped a bit, become somewhat foggy due to lazy assholes who spoke often, resulting in the term's broader definition: “of fair or considerable size.” Note that the OED does not clarify which—fair OR considerable—“handsome” might be, not in anyway clarifying correct synonym usage. Note also that by January 14, 2008, “handsome” had become synonymous with “Anderson Cooper.” Make the (logically flawed) deduction – really, make it -  that since Anderson Cooper has “come to define” journalism, that “Anderson Cooper” is synonymous with “journalism.” Note, finally, that this is what you'd meant all those times at the bar when you said to someone half-listening, half-smiling, half of many, many things: “you know who's handsome.  Anderson Cooper is handsome.”


words: David Wolach (Experiments in Text)
image: Steve Wing, Florida (about & more)


"story of anderson cooper" is an excerpt of “How to Read These Poems,” from Prefab Eulogies - more about this project, and the notion of this shortcut, here: shortcuts/detours.


BluePrintReview - issue 21 - shortcuts / detours